I have talked about being in a comfort zone and pushing ourself to come out of it but today I’m gonna talk about how it is when you get on to do that. So few months back I had to choose to either remain in my okayish self proclaimed comfort zone or to throw myself out of it. It was a tough one! It was not a daily struggle, it was a struggle each moment. Confronting m own fears, doubts and criticism was getting too much and I was wide awake at 4ams and sleepy at 5 pms. . I would lay still in my bed for hours n take long walks in my head. I would justify my thoughts and also refute them. I would encourage myself and also rebuke. Partly it felt like I’m a doctor trying to diagnose myself n partly it felt like I’m a stripper doing my ownself, sorry but couldn’t have put this better. I ran around to people I confide in or look up to to get those few words or syllables that I thought could convince me to take a decision n all my mind processed was garbage n more garbage. I was looking for my answers in someone else’s mind, interesting level of desperation I think.
You see there were many more reactions to it, in all the realms of mental, emotional and spiritual sense, even the body participated and gave its own tantrums. I would find myself walking in the middle of the night to my parents room and waking up there snuggling in between. I would do anything to not let my mind play with me even if that meant wiring myself to not hear my own complex compulsive thoughts. The question always remained the same, I know what it will be like, so now what? What do I want to still do? It dawned on my innocently silly disturbed mind after 3 months of constant turmoil and the loss of a very loved one to death, that, life is very short n simple and it’s we who complicate it n that it would just need one thing to uncomplicate it, to begin.
“Begin somewhere, you can’t build a reputation on what you intend to do”, isn’t it? In my head I have a picture of myself living n behaving a certain way and until I stay put to my status quo and fear the uncertainty of the unknown of outside my comfort zone, that image is only going to be living in my head and that’s like a huge waste of a precious blessing called life. For each breath we take, we release one too, we have been made such a way that we can learn from our own bodies and nature without trying to learn from self help crash courses or self propelling books. So, embracing all my fears and uncertainties and cold feet and anxious bouts of nausea, I took that first baby step outside my comfort zone by just deciding that I’m gonna do it. That was the first game changer, that first decision. The how part is always later and less significant, but we look at it the wrong way ( when will we grow up? 😉 ).
So how has it been so far? Well in two words, Worth It. Sure it has its own humongous challenges and I have my moments, it started very rough and each cell of my body screamed to go back to where I came from, but letting them scream was my second decision, and they screamed till they got a bit tired n became more complacent.
Results have been awesome so far. Each day I discover myself more and look at me and think ‘ hmm okay so that’s me too.. hmm .. nice good to know..’, n unlearn n learn till I know this is me now n who I love. That was my third beginning.
So take that first step to begin where ever you are now, and see it create ripples of magic for yourself, embrace the discomfort on the way and cherish the flavor of being more you. BEGIN.