Deja vu

He saw her coming out of the terminal as he got his car nearer, amidst the bubbling crowd he could see her distinctly, walking silently with very few expressions making her way through the busy path.

They checked in the hotel and hugged each other, like rain touches a parched land. That was the first time she felt something but ignored. It meant nothing to her. A hug would make her skip a heartbeat but today even love making would have made her feel nothing.

3 days passed by long and short, they did not step out of that hotel room. It was a mixed experience of feeling a lot to feeling nothing. The first two days went by laughing, talking, lying half naked under the sheets, eating her favorite dark chocolate icecream, long bubble baths, cigarette smoke, awkward laughs, silent questions, morbid conversations, one snoring and the other feeling desparate to sleep, no fights just unexplained emotional conflicts.

Both of them knew, in an unsaid yet loud manner, this is their last meeting forever. There was a throbbing anguish like that of a naive child asking for an expensive toy and a dead thirst like someone teased by mirages in a desert. Such are the idiosyncrasies of the hearts of these lovers who have, despite the enormous love, turned into each other’s cancer.

One more day and she would be on her flight back n never see him again. While he spent that day smiling and drinking, she sat glued to the TV. The clock kept showing the progress of day to night but it seemed that time had freezed for them, it wasn’t moving. She was confused if she wants the day to go by quickly or for it to stop.

“You scare me, there is nothing in your eyes, no pain no joy! Pls at least cry or show have any pain, your eyes have always been the window to your heart, today they are dead and it’s scary for me to think this is how you are inside”, he jolted her.

She gave nothing. She did not even try.

That night also went by with him sleeping next to her while she laid wide awake, wondering, like always, why can’t he put me to sleep at least once, I wanted to sleep too. It was my last chance at it. Can it be that difficult? Or is it this easy to sleep when u know someone next to you cnt sleep?

Thankfully for her the night was short, early morning they were back on the roads in the car, which stopped at the airport departure terminal. She got off, after a minute of awkward glances n silence, grabbed her bag pack and never looked back at him as she walked. Tears streaming out through he eyes, she finally felt alive.

Again. Deja vu. Now.

~Shruti

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